Motorcycle deaths are at least a little bit cool. Gonorrhea means you're getting laid. Getting old means you were healthy enough not to die young. A daily commute means you got a job and a car. Cost of living means you live in a nice area. Porn usage is ok.
Not all of these are so bad.
How is a state the worst at being an oldest state... that would make it the youngest state since it is the worst at it right?
On a side note I forgot about Wyoming.... silly state that no one cares about :p